We always had extended family around and always intermingled with the generations, playing games and talking. I liked considering the major ideas of why kids are drawn to peers, because I see the pattern even in young and old children in my community who I believe to be securely attached. Gordon Neufeld is a Vancouver-based developmental psychologist who consults with parents and professionals regarding children and their problems.

Why on earth are you blaming the crooked flower for wanting to be with other crooked flowers, when you decided to go with it, and weren't able to provide necessary growing environment? These authors don't know fuck all about ADHD parenting, and anything they had to say about children and attention was outright offensive. I will honestly state that I did not agree with large portions of this book and had a hard time finishing it. They are not the ones to give our children a sense of themselves, to point out right from wrong, to distinguish fact from fantasy, to identify what works and what doesn’t, and to direct them as to where to go and how to get there” (p 19).Unconditional parental love is the indispensable nutrient for the child's healthy emotional growth" (118). The authors show us how we are losing contact with our children and how this loss undermines their development and threatens the very fabric of society. attachment to a parent is important, because then the child will want to please the parent and thus behaves well. It gives very good insight to how we can approach social media and technology with our kids in this age when we as young parents are still trying to figure out how to navigate it ourselves. Also he often claims how obidient and respectful were kids in the 20th century, to support his argument.

Hence parents must guard and closely guide the kids on every step, because if they don't do so the kids are swayed by their incompetent peers. I'm pretty sure his own wife and mother must have worked out of the home because he just sort of brushed it off as not being practical in today's world and just told you how to deal with it since you would probably be out working.I assume he means work fewer hours; but since the book is all about honing instincts, he will say only, “You need to make a decision as to how much of that working life is essential and how much is discretionary. In Hold on to Your Kids, acclaimed physician and best-selling author Gabor Maté joins forces with Gordon Neufeld, a psychologist with a reputation for penetrating to the heart of complex parenting. Finally, the authors' tone frequently betrays a world view where not only is an adult more powerful but also right or correct or justified in manipulating children, aka adultism. I have multiple problems with these assertions, but really it felt like a justification for helicopter parenting.

This “peer orientation” undermines family cohesion, interferes with healthy development, and fosters a hostile and sexualized youth culture. At times i disagreed, however as the book unraveled its view points, the logic and evidence backed up the opionions with a clarity on parenting I've never felt before.If you want neurotic kids who depend on you for the rest of your life, have a low self esteem and cannot decide for themselves, then follow the book. What a powerful statement, and although I know it’s true, it’s very difficult for me to remember this when I’m rushing about our busy lives. And that filling someone's need for attention when they're begging for it really doesn't fill the need; it's only when it's spontaneously given that it really satisfies.

It is very eye opening to the cultural shift that has happened over the last 70 years: peers have become the main attachment figures for many children and teens rather than parents and other adults which has lead, among many things, to children not really knowing who they are, having the inability to be vulnerable or to take risks or to stand out in a crowd, and leaving them with very few tools for meaningful connection with others. Seeing how it seemed to have an impact on her and respecting her as a seriously amazing mom, I decided to pick it up. It’s likely that you’ve been a victim of the peer culture if you’ve ever tried to mimic something you’ve seen someone else do. Today I want to share with you some sections in Hold On To Your Kids that I highlighted to save for later so I could go back and reference. I would sum it up as: as a responsible adult take the time and effort to connect to the children in your life so that they don’t end up seeing connection with problematic people instead.Some of it's aspect may lead to agressive behaviour, but my belief is that it's true reason is the missing of connection. The couple of nuggets of gold about helping children self-regulate and keep a healthy relationship with family is not worth the absolute rubbish that is the rest of the book.