BDSM: The Ultimate Handbook for the Dom and Sub. Training for Pleasure: Training for Pleasure: Volume 1 (Pain and Pleasure)

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This simple task may prove more difficult than it appears. After you have mastered the concept of directing your submissive try incorporating other elements into your directions. Include additional elements besides just her limbs. Direct her eyes, her head, her mouth, her sex, her entire body. Daddy's Little Girl - Exploring the Ageplay Dynamic - Being in a Daddy/little or Mommy/little relationship is about a very intimate bond between two consenting adults. As one of Sir's favorite ways to have me, positioning for rear entry is very important. He prefers a similar position to that of spanking, with more of a reverse lean so as to better accommodate His thrusts.

Verbal rewards- Personally speaking, a “good girl” or “princess” will put me into the happy I want to serve my Dom place faster than anything else. I don’t ever see myself moving away from being in a sub domme relationship,’ he says. ‘I would just like it to be more accepted. I just think that just because I’m a male, that shouldn’t just mean I’m the dominant one. I would just like to think that males can be submissive if they want to. Women can be dominant if they want to as well. Like I said earlier, discipline and punishment are two totally different things, but they are related. A good Dom will help teach the submissive how to push their limits. They are training the sub to be the best sub that they can be for them.Sir also requires certain ways of being touched, especially after intercourse. He prefers His chest to be stroked and will directly request it. If I broke a rule and knew that I disappointed my Dominant, I would need to have a discussion about what happened, why I shouldn’t break the rule, why the punishment happened, and that I am still loved and cared for. I made a bad choice, I am not a bad girl. While it looks different than post-playtime aftercare, that bit of reassurance and reconnection allows me to have time to improve and remember he is still there for me. Rewards Oxford English Dictionary (yes, I still own the two volume Shorter O.E.D. And I will never let it go.) tells us that Dominant by definition means: most important, powerful, or influential. Submissive, conversely, is defined as ready to conform to authority or will of others; meekly obedient or passive. and here, my fellow kinksters, we find our first measure of duality. The yin and yang. On the one hand we have power and influence, on the other we have obedience and passivity (you brats just hold your tongue for a little while). Pretty straightforward, but what’s important to recognize is that you cannot have one without the other. There is no power without someone to submit. There is no leader without someone to guide. Both are needed, and both are equal. Let me say that again and make it clear. Both the Dominant and the submissive in the relationship are, in fact, equals.

Some Misconceptions about the Caregiver/Little Dynamic - Debunking some misconceptions of the Caregiver dynamic. Learn how to define your kink preferences, focus on what makes YOU unique (so you can better connect with others), and discover how to use BDSM terminology correctly. Once the punishment is completed, aftercare is critical for the mental well-being of the submissive. The punishment is meant to hurt so that the undesired behavior doesn’t happen again. Aftercare reassures the sub that they are still cared for. The aftercare after punishment is not the same as aftercare after a scene. There should be some reassurance to the submissive to remind them they aren’t bad, they are still loved. Avoiding shame triggers is a vital part of protecting the submissive’s emotional and mental health. And we want to hear from you, too! As part of our podcast we’ll be sharing listeners’ experiences, thoughts and questions on a different theme every week. A golden shower is when you lovingly shower your partner with your piss. It’s high time for the BDSM community to reclaim this word from Donald Trump, who, may I remind you, allegedly paid sex workers to pee on a bed that Obama slept in out of spite. This is not the same thing as a golden shower. Kink is for smart people.I will adhere to any preferencethe Masterhave regarding which collar I am allowed to wear and for how long I may wear it each day. Once good communication and trust are established, then the couple can explore and play. It is important to note that there is such a thing as a toxic, or bad, Dom. Unfortunately, there are some Doms that do not take the submissive’s needs into account and are in it for what makes them feel good. They don’t understand or respect the limits that the submissive has agreed to. Part of the draw of the lifestyle as a submissive is to relinquish control to someone else so that they can help you be the best version of yourself. It’s not all about pleasure, well, that’s relative. There is pleasure in having someone take charge of parts of your life. There is pleasure in exploring how far you can push yourself. That’s why submissives need Dominants. It’s about learning your limits and having boundaries. The Dominant that you gift with your submission will guide you and enforce the boundaries when you forget. How they enforce is between you both and is something that should be discussed frequently. Punishments are the other side of the coin. You’ve agreed to terms. But say you are feeling slightly bratty or maybe you forget (as a sub) what you have agreed to. There are consequences for these behaviors. Maybe it’s early in the relationship and you are given a task. As a sub, your Dom may require proof that you have completed the task when you are out of his presence. Failure to complete the task will result in punishment. A Wartenberg Wheel is a nifty little metal pinwheel that you can run over your partner’s nipples or other erogenous zones. It looks scary, but in a fun way, like the Addams Family. It can be used as part of medical play (doctor fetish) or just for the hell of it. Fun fact: It’s a real-life medical device created by neurologist Robert Wartenberg to test nerve reactions, but kinksters figured out it was good for the sex, too.

Be careful about fake Doms. Some Doms aren’t in it for the power play, just the power. This need for power and control can become abuse in all forms. There is a difference. Punishments are necessary to ensure that rules are followed, and boundaries respected. The Dominant shouldn’t take pleasure in punishments when it is for legitimate rule breaking. Funishment (bratty behavior or rule breaking during play) is very different. If you feel that you are being abused, you should try and get out of the relationship. You’ll find many other key topics on Submissive Guide that could help you learn more about your submissive and how they feel. A couple of the more frequent buzzwords across all social networks and communities are subspace, sub drop, sub frenzy, and aftercare. I’ve created entire series’ for each of these topics that you develop your own knowledge of where a submissive stands on these subjects. When you’re working full time in a professional field, the desire to submit can be impeded by a good number of obstacles. As a submissive who balances my full-time employment with my submissive role, one of my chief concerns will always be finding a way to please my dominant while maintaining a strong professional image outside of the home. Because of the latter portion of my responsibilities, I was hesitant in wanting to explore the D/s dynamic. The last thing that I wanted was to have to give up my job—likewise, however, I didn’t want to pass up the opportunity to explore a budding interest because of my work environment. Regardless, it was difficult to find any information about balancing my professional life with my submissive desires, so this article is dedicated to the people who, like me, wish to explore the D/s relationship dynamic and continue to work in the professional world. Become a better Dom or sub, even when you don't have the time. Learn my secrets for busy kinksters so you can avoid the dreaded vanilla rut.

Daddy-Little Girl Dynamics: It's Not Easy Being A Little - It’s hard to be a little in today’s society. So many people, even those within the lifestyle, don’t understand the Daddy/little dynamic. They don’t try either. Sir often does request specific hair styles of me, and I do my best to please Him in this way. Also, He prefers me to have pubic hair, which I have always removed. Growing out and getting used to this hair has been challenging for me, but His pleasure in knowing it is difficult but seeing that I obey nonetheless makes it a rewarding task.

During the day, if I wish to change clothing or take an item off, I must ask permission to do so. Grooming/Hygiene: The misunderstandings around what it means to be a male submissive can lead to awkwardness when expressing your kink with a new partner who may not necessarily be part of the BDSM world. The perceived small quantity of male subs may stem from how the current cultural dialogue imposes gender stereotypes in which men should be in charge, while women are expected to be submissive. Hard limits are sexual acts that are off-limits. Everyone has their own, and you have to discuss these boundaries before any BDSM play. Use it in a sentence: “Please do not pee on me; golden showers are one of my hard limits.” Sir introduces all toys and equipment by either presenting it to me or instructing me to fetch it for Him. He then presents it to my lips and I kiss it, typically a flogger, rope or a slapper, though a blindfold or other bondage instruments, hair brush, etc, are managed similarly.Finally, I've given you the thoughts to get you started and as you can see it's not a dead end. If you are willing to work at it, and it's something you really want; then submission is possible. Good things are never easy to acheive. Work hard at it and you will be rewarded.