Her children walk on eggshells every day, fearful of encountering their mothers rage and punishment.

What Mothers Do especially when it looks like nothing

They understand that slammed doors I hate you’s times of storming about and normal kids stuff are normal. She redirects the focus to her needs and guilt-trips her children at every sign of perceived disobedience. You know that the day will come when there will be no sharp pencils and the 7 pencil sharpeners that you have purchased will be lost.We need more words to validate what mothers are doing, especially as they start to relate to their babies, and then as they continue relating totheir growing children, for the rest of their lives. Naomi Stadlen draws on many years’ work with hundreds of other mothers of a wide variety of ages and backgrounds. It also addresses how we communicate with each other and which ways are helpful and which ways are counter-productive. Also, though she talks about all these "decisions" that create maternal identity (like feeding, sleep location, things that truly are inconsequential, and more importantly working or not), and how they shouldn't be divisive, it is pretty clear what she believes and judges.

What Mothers Do by Naomi Stadlen | Waterstones What Mothers Do by Naomi Stadlen | Waterstones

Apart from those times, they’ve always put up with our antics… especially with how we don’t bother cleaning our room every single day. Have you ever spent all day looking after your baby or young child – and ended up feeling that you have ‘done nothing all day’?You’ll observe that she achieves a balance and proportion in the arrangement of things that only a mathematical equation can unravel. In other cultures where sexuality is far more restricted, the narcissistic mother may instead attempt to stifle her daughters burgeoning sexuality and punish her for being anything less than abstinent. Shaming is a tactic the narcissistic mother uses to ensure that her children never develop a stable sense of identity or self-esteem to ensure that they never grow independent enough outside of seeking her validation or approval. Recognizing unhelpful behavior patterns, willingness to self-reflect, and being committed to change can help. Will listen to the always overly descriptive drama like he took my baseball cards or she has more ice cream or it’s not fair that she’s sitting in that seat or I can’t go to school today because I don’t have the cool shoes or insert anything that kids love to argue about and then will apply more wisdom in Solomon in deciding the solution.

What Mothers Do: especially when it looks like nothing What Mothers Do: especially when it looks like nothing

A childs reactions to her narcissistic mothers abuse are frequently met with invalidation, shaming and further gaslighting. It’s not so much what we do or don’t do, but the love and intention behind the things we do and don’t do that matters most. A hardy three quarters of the 2,000 mums polled worked at least in a part-time capacity, doing an average of 24 hours of paid work a week on top of their role as a mum- revealing that many are putting in an 81 hour week for the family.I think it is well done but I wouldn't want it to sideswipe someone who is already upset about that. Second, the author explicitly says that her book is not a "prescription" of what mothers should do but rather a "description" of what mothers do, yet she repeatedly offers her precise ideas of what "good" mothering entails (take sleep training, for example).